uh oh...

I just had a major KFC binge. I emerged from a couple of hours of Chemistry craving Zinger AND a Bandito for dinner. The guy on the phone was very patient with me while I took ten years to decide - 2 Zingers, 1 Bandito, 1 medium Popcorn Chicken.

Okayyy I didn't finish all of it, and I gave 1 Zinger to Maryjane (the maid, yeah don't you just love the name).

After my A's i'm gonna run the perimeter of Singapore.

I've sent in my Cambridge application form. Every passing day my tiny glimmer of faith in myself dwindles to a new low. I think it's cause my Civics Tutor predicted a B grade for my Chemistry. She's been on leave for the past 6 months, and refused to pick up my calls or reply to my online messages. If that B grade costs me my conditional offers to any of the 4 vet schools, I will be on a MURDEROUS RAMPAGE.

Fuck. Does she really think i'm that goddamn incapable? It's not even my worst subject - Econs, which got a predicted grade of B. B!

I don't see myself performing spectacularly for the prelims. Maybe scrape through a pass, but whatever la, it's the big A's that count.

First half of the week spent lazing around unnecessarily. It got to a point where i'd feel that same lethargy... from that post-O Level period. Waking up extremely late, despite the 9am alarm (which has been snooooozed so many times I think the side buttons of my V3x are spoilt), reading Harry Potter (oh noes), watching hours of cable then reading more Harry Potter, then finally, but reluctantly, settling in my chair before my poor underused study table.

Le sigh. How like that.

I don't know what to think. Like if I don't get into Vet school. It'd be as if everything in life has failed me, and i've failed myself. I want this so bad that I've had mock uni interviews going on in my head (and being mentally screwed by an uptight old British fogey in something that resembles a courtroom featured in True Files), working extra to help my Dad cover living costs, living life in Girton College in Cambridge (oh god please), enjoying the 5-6 years thoroughly despite the workload cause it's something I WANT TO DO and finally deciding to give up life in shitty Singapore to finally have some... quality of life there, for myself, my brother and sister. Oh, and get away from the fuckers that live here.

It sounds cheesy, but that's been the whole point so far. Heh, i've never put this into perspective in words.

Still, if I don't get it, life goes on.

The best thing about things like this is to expect the worst. So when the worst happens, you won't be as disappointed, and when it turns out ideally, well you know the rest.

Ah. Being in a JC sucks ass when you know what you want but can't do it the Poly way.

Less than 2 months to the A's. Less than a week to prelims.

When i'm not worrying about the two, i'm looking forward to Christmas, as I do every year. I always feel it months before December, I don't know why. By now you'd know Christmasses at 407 Upper Changi Road are the bomb. That Christmas smell. This year I wanna have a big dinner, before Christmas though, for my BAHLULS! They're ever so endearing, and the only group of people I adore so much cause they'd never pull some stupid stunt behind my back, fail to acknowledge me as a friend, or act like they're more atas than the people around them.

K I got that out of my system.

Anyways, the dinner, yes. I want to cook. I'll learn how to make Shepard's Pie and the like, and i'll do it a few times just to make sure it's edible when I cook for you guys. Ahahaha.

I really need a holiday. I've never hated Singapore more than I do now. No not cause it's boring, it's small, whatever. I hate the people.

The heartlanders, the matsminahsliansbengsanjacks, the angmohs being suckered into this shithole yet are the most privileged minority, and ESPECIALLY the manjens that act like they're the caucasians of the region.

Sheesh.

*warning. Aruna is gonna start ranting. I advise you to stop reading now.*

And what. In the hell. Is so great about being fair and having straight hair? Hey that rhymes.

I proudly had 'brown is beautiful' as my personal message on MSN the past week. Because, why does being brown deem me uglier than you?

Then there was this ad on TV that asked the question, 'Have you ever dreamed of having straight, beautiful hair?' or something along those lines. And is it just me, or do the before photos for most shampoo ads (for their before/after comparison) usually feature curly (albeit frizzy) hair? And the after photos always have that freshly rebonded, disgustingly straight fake-looking hair?

Screw you narrow-minded idiots.

The hairdresser I go to regularly always tells me i'm so fortunate to have natural curls. Every time she finishes she always styles my hair for the day, trying something new each time. She straightened it once, and said I look really nice, but the curls look better.

I went to my mom's hairdresser on one occasion, and encountered the total opposite. Some broken-english speaking tart of a middle aged lady told me off for not rebonding my hair, and said that curls are ugly unless its straight hair permed nicely (while she was sported artificial curls herself). I was so disgusted. If you had a perm, I can fucking tell. Most perm jobs i've seen suck ass. The curls look so... straggly and shapeless. Tho that's not the point.

I love my curly hair to bits. It's been looking great lately. A person I had familiar relations with once said I should never straighten my hair, only to change his mind later.

Funny how we're taken by an OD of brainwashing advertisements, how they make it seem so matter-of-fact. Cause that's what we're made to get used to, the norm in this shithole you see... so any deviation of the norm is wrong, and in this context, ugly.

Haha. I love my Chinese drama serials and want to learn conversational Mandarin, but this is too much.

Gosh. Being in JC has made me a melodramatic, repressed person.

All this is one blog post. If I saw myself blogging about such long-drawn out things, I'd knock myself on the head and tell me to go and study.

(no i am not dissing fair, straight haired people. don't you know how to read?)