ALL THAT'S RINGING IN MY EARS NOW IS JUST FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL SUPPS SUPPS SUPPS SUPPS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Strength! Little time is still viable time.

I WILL pass.

whenever i feel inspired to blog, i should blog.

This is true. I don't want this to become dead space. The blogging bug bites every once in awhile, lasts for too short a time and my attention span for it dwindles to a new low with each wave of entries.

I suppose this time around it's just the boredom from studying. I used to blog comprehensively about my life, complete with pictures and the like. Because it's so nice to look back and have a thoroughly documented memory of how you felt at the time doing what you did. Given the free time i've had I guess I can't blame myself for not doing it.

At this point in time, I feel.... worried. I've done a lot of study, I don't know if it's enough. Time will tell. Money is always an issue. Finding time to earn money is tough.

So i've completed 3 exams with 6 to go. It's created a perpetual lump in my throat, the kind that comes with worry and anxiety. I knew it was going to be this hard. I love what i'm doing with all my heart, although I have the occasional lapse into 'what in god's name am I doing to myself? My life?' With all that money on the line, it's a feeling worse than anything else I could've imagined.

For the most part, it's great. But sometimes a love for what you do is not enough. Some people need a brilliance to get them through this. Do I have it? I wonder. I honestly don't know. People have always said to me that this is exactly where they imagined I would be. That the kind of person I am will serve me well in this profession. But sometimes my mind wanders... to reading, photography, all the hobbies I wish I had more time for.

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT HOBBIES.

So I should suck it up and just fucking study for my god damn Pathology exam in 2 days.

What will be, will be.

(back to study..)

I suppose if this means anything to you, maybe you might consider quitting smoking. To put it in layman's terms, your nice soft lung tissue will be broken down and replaced with shitty scarry tissue. Which means less nice soft lung tissue to absorb all that oxygen you breathe in. You also get a ton of phlegm so you'll be coughing it up a lot, and it'll make you sound like a tranny. All that phlegm making you cough makes it worse for your remaining nice soft lung tissue. All your white blood cells needed to combat infections will be wasting their time cleaning up the mess of those cigarettes.

I've cut down on smoking a lot. Last weekend I didn't smoke a single stick till Monday. And that pack I bought has lasted me all week, it's not even finished. So safe to say i'm getting somewhere with this. The stress of exams hasn't helped much at all, but if I could get through stressful situations before without the smokes, I sure as hell can do it again. HA WELL WE'LL SEE. Anyway, I put that up just because i'm studying now. And it sucks. This is how I kill time.

Ok back to study.

resolution

After procrastinating for awhile looking at pictures from a year ago, I have resolved that I need to lose some kilos. Not drastically, i'd say around 4-5 kilos will be sufficient. I don't mind having gained this little bit of weight as it is.

But.

I don't want to buy new clothes. Or bras. I find it highly upsetting that my MNG jeans make me look like a cupcake. I was never truly skinny enough to fit them after 19 without a little bit of extra blub, but now it's gone overboard. My heart broke when I looked like a complete whale in the corset I wore on my 21st birthday. I don't mind the bigger boobs but I really don't want to buy new bras!!

Last straw was when this beautiful cheap cocktail maxi dress had a max bustline that I EXCEEDED. Whot in the hayl is going on!

So yes. I realise this exam period is probably not the best time to diet. I haven't quite been out and about since Tuesday. Hopefully all the travelling and running around Europe will see a slightly fitter me. Then back here to continue my weight loss.

Hopefully..