missing you muchly

It's totally not fair how this has panned out. Outraged. Will protest.

My last cigarette is sitting next to me. To be smoked at some point in time today. Sigh. If I put together all the boxes of cigarettes i've happily given away... I'd say it would come up to about just less than one carton. I need an influx of Singaporeans into Melbourne and I need them now. To buy me cartons of Marlboro Menthol Lights.

Yesterday was my very first university ball. Vet Ball 2010, Derelicte themed. I spent give-or-take around 2 hours folding a kawasaki rose out of newspaper and thought it was a winner. Until I got to Lincoln On Toorak to find Melanie in a DIY maxi dress made out of blankets and scraps of fabric.

She spent about 5 days sewing it together in total.

Towards the end of the night I found myself standing close enough to Alysha to hold her hair back, but far enough to narrowly avoid the projectile chunks of our 3 course dinner splashing against the sidewalk. The rest of my night followed in a similar fashion. At 3am, after bringing Alysha to a friend's house in Southbank to crash, I quietly walked across the bridge over the river towards Flinders, smoking, and taking in the sights.

As dangerous as it would be for a girl in a cocktail dress and heels to be walking around alone in the middle of the night, this weird kind of sadness overwhelmed me. I felt so horribly empty. Hmph. I wonder now if I ever felt okay and just at ease with being on my own. I don't ever recall just feeling happy with being by myself. Then again it sucks either way cos nothing has worked out in my favour the past year and a half.

Can someone please tell me how to be happy?

how things have changed from approximately a year ago..

From hardly being in school, to being in school ALL THE TIME. Typical Melbourne student life isss.... having about MAX 20 contact hours in uni a week. Which is rarely the case for most courses. This time last year I had Thursdays off and 4 hour days (or less).

Now i'm in school 8 hours a day. Not really complaining though, oh, except the SHITLOAD of work. I'm starting to question whether it's humanly possible for a retard like me to get through this.

Next.

If it wasn't for Jai last year, I wouldn't have met Ephraim and Sanny. Wouldn't have met the Final Eclipse. Or gone through emotional roller coasters with Rajiv. But then I wouldn't have met Percy or Asami and her lovely band, as well as a whole load of other music people the past year if it wasn't for her. But this time last year I hardly had any friends. Weekends were spent watching Superbad amongst a small pool of movies I had. Now every weekend's been made of awesome. I just need to watch the beers.. Been drinking so much it's coming out of my ears.

My financial situation is about the same. I wouldn't consider that a sad situation - i've bought pretty much everything I need in this apartment and couldn't be happier. I finally bought a 2nd set of sheets. Just a pimp as the last set.

And now i'm actually meeting Australians! Well they're all in my course but somehow all (well.. most) of them have been fantastic friends so far. We've had so much fun so far and it's only half of first semester. Think another 3 and a half years! Hope we don't get sick of each other.

Love life is just as dramatic as ever. But what the fuck's new? I miss the stability of a relationship.

I meant for this post to be deeper and darker than this, but I feel like my brain is made of jelly, after unsuccessfully trying to bulldoze my way through 50 pages of laboratory instructions for 6 hours of dog dissection over the next 2 days. On the flipside, Asami's playing a gig tomorrow night so I can't wait! Especially after 4 hours of lectures in school, finishing with a 3 hour dissection that smells like death... Exciting.

ultimate geekdom is possibly....

Feeling perfectly content tinkering around on Photoshop, while listening to the Smiths and looking forward to watching The Mighty Boosh afterwards, completely alone.

Perfectly content.

And so.. life moves on.