back to yo roots

Been back home for almost a week now. We've been squeezing 10 people in our tiny little house and will continue to do so till the 3rd... It's been pretty intense and my lack of sleep each night has been snowballing but i've enjoyed the most part - Christmas lunch with the family including Ashwin, who was so well behaved... He started tearing up when we sent him back which was absolutely heartbreaking.

It's likely this entry will be the last of 2011. So to sum up... Fucking Siong. 2nd Year in vet - passed. Just 1 more year of lectures and hardcore study. It's depressing yet relieving at the same time.

So since the exams ended, a house, car, and 2 weeks of clinical placement have been settled. In short it was pretty damn hectic after exams but we found some time for holidays just before I left for SG. David booked us a surf lesson down in Torquay, and I can now cross it off my Bucket List. And conclude that I really cannot surf. My paddling is terrible, and when I actually do catch a wave I freeze up and can't bring myself to try standing up.

Night before my flight, I drove up to Macedon and we had dinner at a restaurant in Woodend. It was such a beautiful night. David had planned to drive to Gisborne to see the Christmas lights. Some houses were just kerazy with the decorations. Now I wish I took pictures..

Came home to exchange presents. I bought him Batman : Arkham City on PC and he bought me a friggin' keyboard! With the stand and everything! Insanity! But I can't wait to try playing the piano bit for Great Gig in the Sky on it.

Lady calls about my gumtree ad...

Me: hello?

Lady: hi....h-hi-

M: hi?

L: hi, how are you?

M: I'm good thanks....... how are you? *thoroughly puzzled* :S

L: I am good.. is your bed frame still available?

M: yes it is.

L: and how much is it?

M: $80. (Fucking hate it when people just need to read the damn ad properly to answer their inane questions..)

L: oh... and you live in Carlton? I live in Glenroy....

M: ooookaaay.... well when disassembled it fits in the back of a longish car.. like a wagon or a van.

L: oh I don't have any friends with that.. oh I don't know what to do... I have to arrange transport which is expensive. Nevermind it's okay thank you bye.

Whyyyy oh why would you call me and tell me you have no means to pick up something that I've stated 'pick up only' for? Are you a retard, lady? Why bother calling if you have no intention to pick it up? What a waste of time.

Stupid things are funny to me

David: hey, how do you measure wool fibre diameter?

Me: hah? I dunno... Vernier calipers? Hahahahaha!

Yeah, I think I'm losing it.

join in on the MARESTARE!

Check out this pregnant mare getting close to foaling (if anyone is remotely interested, if anyone reads this in the first place heh).

For the most part it's watching a horse walk around a box, but watching a foaling is pretty sweet. Right now her bum is itching so she's rubbing it on the wall.

This ties is pretty well with our Animal Health, Management and Welfare paper on Friday. Hope I don't miss it while looking at pictures of dead shit for the Pathology prac exam tomorrow.

exam time blues sound just like this

"I gotta read it again cause my mind is just a piece of shit this morning."

Absolute hell

And this is only one topic. Out of... 7? Am I going to die? Well, possibly. Fucking circulatory disorders.

All blog posts from my phone need titles.

I don't post enough photos of my place. Well, this is the living room.

Empty

This wall looks so bare now. There used to be a bajillion posters, just covering the whole wall. Now it's so empty...

It took me so long to take all of them down, then remove the blu tac from the edges and the walls. Packing is gonna take longer than I thought.

One hour of sleep.

Last night I only managed one hour. The past week has seen me waking up, coughing till I start to gag for about 20 minutes, then struggle to get back to sleep with an itchy throat just begging for more coughing. It's been a painful week of it. Plus taking about two hours to fall asleep in the first place. Oh and chuck three exams into the picture.  I just hope to god that I pass them all.

Moving out to Werribee has come underway nicely.  Thankfully we have settled on a house despite some minor disagreements. Finding the perfect house isn't always easy when everyone has their own ideas. But we finally came together on one, with just a little bit of persuasion. It's a wonderful house, spacious and clean. Old but not dated, and well maintained.

I'm just really looking forward to more space. That house had a million storage cupboards. This apartment can no longer fit everything I own. Every cupboard is full, my wardrobe is bursting. It's scary how much stuff I've come to own in just three years. And who would've thought at all how quick time would fly.

Only two more years of vet to go?? What... I never thought I'd ever reach this point. Or rather at the start it felt like a million miles away. I'm glad not to have had to sit any supps... well not yet. Even some of the smartest cookies in the above years have sat supps. So I suppose to get this far without one is pretty damn good in my books. Let's keep the good times going for another 4 sets of exams shall we? :D

I never got to mention that Yigang made his fabulous appearance some time in October. I feel bad for not having more time. It was good he had other friends here to hang with while I was being a busy bee. So glad we got to spend one solid weekend together :)

So it's my last few weeks in the city. In this lovely apartment I've called home for 3 years. I've grown so attached to this place. It's gonna be so hard to let go. There's just.. nowhere else that can compare. Where else can you walk to eat a 5 dollar pizza, pub/bar hop within a 300m radius, eat awesome Asian food at 5am and arrive  home in a happy stupor in 5 minutes? Ahhh... I've done it a disservice this semester by not living it up like I used to. 

Oh well. Guess I'm preparing for what life will be like in the next year. But with CAR. So life won't be all bad.

I hope this works

Since my phone was dropped in a toilet, it's been dried and was sitting in a tub of rice. All seems OK so far... this is just a camera test.

my lack of lifestyle options are becoming a concern.

So it's one week into the holidays. It's the time of the year when people just hang out at cafes, go for walks, go camping, go to the beach, go to the snow etc. But much unlike my other university counterparts, i've done absolutely nothing of the sort. Done nothing to optimize the beautiful weather, the free time, nothing.

Cos i'm using this time to finish shit like 5000-word reports.

As I sit here in my room, typing away, trying my level best not to procrastinate but do it anyway, I turn to look out my window, at everyone else's windows, everyone's rooms are empty. Because they're not SITTING AT HOME, DOING FUCKING WORK every damn day WHEN IT'S HOLIDAYS.

I HATE that all I do is whinge on my blog nowadays. I want to update my blog on happy things. They are few and far between nowadays. I just want to go to the damn Grampians. Meh. Just gotta hold on till after the exams, hopefully there'll be time to do fun summery things between moving all my furniture out, looking for a new house & moving in, and doing 2 weeks of placement at a clinic ALL BEFORE MY FLIGHT BACK TO SG ON THE 23RD.

Something's gotta give. I just want some time to hang out on a beautiful beach here.

Adventures sorely needed.

the perks of being a vet student..

You always get to do awesome behind the scenes stuff..


Bong Su at the Melbourne Zoo

Fed giraffes at the Werribee Open Range Zoo

Drawing blood from sheep.. That was hard.

Milked cows for a solid 17 days.

Ahh.. And so much more. Pulled lambs out of sheep, injected horses, stuff that gets the blood pumping but sadly the time spent on all those things are minute in comparison to time spent in the lecture theatre. Oh well. 4 assignments to finish with 2 tests to study for, followed by exams after 4 weeks... Gotta make the most of my 2 week holiday! At least I had productive cleaning time today. If I didn't clean first thing it'd bug me forever as I procrastinate, so i'm glad I did it even if it cost me a day out of my 2 weeks.

MAJOR CRAM TIME!

the G

Carlton VS Essendon, all from my phone. It's amazing what smartphones can do now... I can honestly say i've been living under a rock all this time. Taken, edited with PSP, uploaded onto Photobucket, just with a few swipes.

All thanks to this beauty, free when I signed a new 2 year contract with Vodafone;

Samsung Nexus S!!! 16GB internal memory and rivalling the iPhone in every way possible. Only downsides are the rather soft speakers and terrible battery life. I have to charge it once a day. And if David decides he wants to play Fruit Ninja for 4 hours instead of listen to lectures... I'm left with a dead phone. But anyway... amazing phone without the price tag and Apple-related limitations of the iPhone.

OMG OMG OMG

I'm 56kg again OMG!

Words cannot describe my happiness. I haven't been 56kg in over a year! What a wonderful feeling. Now I can look at myself in jeans in the mirror and not cringe because I don't have gigantic love handles anymore! I have yet to try my corset on, i'm going to wait a little longer till I do.

The best but most puzzling thing is I haven't gone down a cup size. Which is weird but maybe it'll take awhile. I love being indian!

Now i'll aim for 53kg, I wonder how long that will take.

mmm small android update

Last weekend was spent at a scouts camp on mt martha. Best weekend so far this year. Blacklights and fluoro paint and crazy games. What made it so great though was definitely the people that made the effort to drive down and burn a weekend of study together. ahhhh.....


And yet again it's back to the reality of school and deadlines. so many assignments this semester... coupled with harder subjects. meh.

But right now, I just want to figure out how to get photos onto this entry straight off this phone.

test

this is a blog entry from my phone. testingss.

although I got the nexus free on vodafone, it's actually quite power. hopefully I'll be blogging more from now on. only thing is that I take ages type with this QWERTY keypad....

oh well. time to shower and watch my boyfriend play footy.

ALL THAT'S RINGING IN MY EARS NOW IS JUST FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL SUPPS SUPPS SUPPS SUPPS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Strength! Little time is still viable time.

I WILL pass.

whenever i feel inspired to blog, i should blog.

This is true. I don't want this to become dead space. The blogging bug bites every once in awhile, lasts for too short a time and my attention span for it dwindles to a new low with each wave of entries.

I suppose this time around it's just the boredom from studying. I used to blog comprehensively about my life, complete with pictures and the like. Because it's so nice to look back and have a thoroughly documented memory of how you felt at the time doing what you did. Given the free time i've had I guess I can't blame myself for not doing it.

At this point in time, I feel.... worried. I've done a lot of study, I don't know if it's enough. Time will tell. Money is always an issue. Finding time to earn money is tough.

So i've completed 3 exams with 6 to go. It's created a perpetual lump in my throat, the kind that comes with worry and anxiety. I knew it was going to be this hard. I love what i'm doing with all my heart, although I have the occasional lapse into 'what in god's name am I doing to myself? My life?' With all that money on the line, it's a feeling worse than anything else I could've imagined.

For the most part, it's great. But sometimes a love for what you do is not enough. Some people need a brilliance to get them through this. Do I have it? I wonder. I honestly don't know. People have always said to me that this is exactly where they imagined I would be. That the kind of person I am will serve me well in this profession. But sometimes my mind wanders... to reading, photography, all the hobbies I wish I had more time for.

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT HOBBIES.

So I should suck it up and just fucking study for my god damn Pathology exam in 2 days.

What will be, will be.

(back to study..)

I suppose if this means anything to you, maybe you might consider quitting smoking. To put it in layman's terms, your nice soft lung tissue will be broken down and replaced with shitty scarry tissue. Which means less nice soft lung tissue to absorb all that oxygen you breathe in. You also get a ton of phlegm so you'll be coughing it up a lot, and it'll make you sound like a tranny. All that phlegm making you cough makes it worse for your remaining nice soft lung tissue. All your white blood cells needed to combat infections will be wasting their time cleaning up the mess of those cigarettes.

I've cut down on smoking a lot. Last weekend I didn't smoke a single stick till Monday. And that pack I bought has lasted me all week, it's not even finished. So safe to say i'm getting somewhere with this. The stress of exams hasn't helped much at all, but if I could get through stressful situations before without the smokes, I sure as hell can do it again. HA WELL WE'LL SEE. Anyway, I put that up just because i'm studying now. And it sucks. This is how I kill time.

Ok back to study.

resolution

After procrastinating for awhile looking at pictures from a year ago, I have resolved that I need to lose some kilos. Not drastically, i'd say around 4-5 kilos will be sufficient. I don't mind having gained this little bit of weight as it is.

But.

I don't want to buy new clothes. Or bras. I find it highly upsetting that my MNG jeans make me look like a cupcake. I was never truly skinny enough to fit them after 19 without a little bit of extra blub, but now it's gone overboard. My heart broke when I looked like a complete whale in the corset I wore on my 21st birthday. I don't mind the bigger boobs but I really don't want to buy new bras!!

Last straw was when this beautiful cheap cocktail maxi dress had a max bustline that I EXCEEDED. Whot in the hayl is going on!

So yes. I realise this exam period is probably not the best time to diet. I haven't quite been out and about since Tuesday. Hopefully all the travelling and running around Europe will see a slightly fitter me. Then back here to continue my weight loss.

Hopefully..

rarrrarrrrrarrararaarijfdslfjslg

Slowly going mad.

It's funny isn't it. The more you learn in this course, the more you realise that you're not really 'helping' in the way you thought you would. Helping in the destruction of domesticated animals. The whole idea of having pets, eating meat. Being a vet encourages these things. It's all one big skewed idea and being a vet makes hardly a dent in the entire world of the lives of other living species.

The only way to really help, is to go vegan, never have a pet, never go to the zoo/pet shop, discourage other people from buying pets (cos the whole idea behind owning a pet makes the industry tailor these poor little things to people's crazy fantasies of having a pig you can put in a teacup). How did we ever find joy or satisfaction from any of these things?? It's like... shelters, conservation programs, animal welfare, just one big band-aid for the giant-ass booboo that we created.

When I see people joining stupid pages for animal rights on facebook, I scoff cos they really don't know shit. Yeah you feel sad for the occasional cruelty case. Don't beat any animals. DON'T.

But why should I be the one to scoff? When I graduate all I'll be doing is helping farmers ensure they'll still earn money, or to make people happy when they see their golden retriever with hip dysplasia walk without difficulty but at the end of the day the golden retriever and many golden retrievers down the line will still have that tiny gene pool from inbreeding WHICH LEADS ME TO NEVER REALLY GETTING ANYWHERE WITH HELPING THEM IN THE LONG TERM.

So at the end of the day, am I just becoming someone who lives for that short-term bursts of happiness with each rehabilitated animal?? My livelihood, the spawn of the very stuff that makes me cringe.

Like Hayley posted earlier;

I HAVE SOLD MY SOUL.

Hello SWOT VAC, hello 9 exams. Some divine power please give me some sort of infinite brain stamina to study for 12 hours each day for the next 4 weeks.

Oh and hello winter, I HATE YOU.

i car(ry) us

I, I am so high

I thought I saw you mouth these words, what did you say?

I cry, I cry, I cry, so high

How dare you try to bring me down so suddenly

the sun, the sun, the sun, too high

my wings so frail begin to fail, I fade away

I try, I try, I try to fly

like a tolling bell I fell, I pealed away

I must stay high

but waxen wings are heavy things, they drag me down

the surf, the sea, the spray, the sky

the oceans maw, it gapes so wide, I fell inside

I swim, I sink, I yield, I drink, I'm done

Deep undersea I've seen such things not meant to be

I die, I die, I die, I'm dead

In a tumble down I drown

what words are left to say...

I, I am so high

this little guy is now my will to live for the next 2 months

Seriously. Give me the shittiest day ever and this video will make it all better.

phew

Not particularly exhausted, tired, fatigued etc. Just needed a moment to breathe. It's been almost 4 weeks since school resumed this year. So to sum up the almost-end of the first quarter;

Jan - Back home, time of awesomeness but not much of a holiday really, bustling around running errands, but getting Ash in respite care and my 2 weeks at the SPCA were worth it.

Feb - Melbourne for a day or so, then it was out to Trentham for 15 days of milking goodness. Apart from the odd day or two of beautiful summery weather, the rest of it was COLD. Forgot my slacks and cosy socks. Thankfully David packed enough clothes to last him 3 months.

*SUM UP FAIL* Dairy farm work wasn't as taxing as I expected. Even though the only reason I was there was cos of the course i'm in, I'd recommend a dairy farmstay to everyone who drinks milk. It's FASCINATING. So many new experiences, so much more than just learning how a dairy functions and the industry. I rode a quad bike, drove a tractor, drove a SEMI-TRAILER...

Not the one I drove, but similar. With all those hay bales too! But only in a paddock. The gears all tumbalik. (I say this instead of terbalik cos it sounds cooler)

Drank beer with the farmer every night, joy rides on the quad and crashing through electric fences.. That was painful. The milking itself was rather enjoyable. Wasn't very taxing, but an entire day's work gets you pretty tired at the end of each day. Not that we did much work. But anyway. DAVID BROKE THE GUTTER OF THE FARMER'S HOUSE, butter fingers.

Valentine's Day was spent at the farm, and David came over to surprise me! He was done the day before me and headed home first. I was rather apprehensive about it at first, seeing how the farmer spent every night at his neighbour's (sexytime). Sleeping alone in a stranger's house out in the country is rather daunting. I was so relieved when he came over that night. We brought the massive spotlight on a walk out in the paddocks to see the wildlife, and it was a beautiful clear night and being out in the country means a sky full of STARS! :D

Upon coming back, I had around a week to well and truly LEPAK, before O week. The fridge died while I was gone so this one week was spent stressing about it.

O week was really good, and barn dance was epic. So much better than last year's. Didn't spend any money on booze for myself, however I did spend 20 bucks buying Flynn drinks since it was his birthday. Haha.

Bidina, Kris and I took to the Werribee campus' in-house paddocks to traumatise their dairy herd, after drawing 3 penises in the dust covering Jess's car. Smoked a joint, went to visit the horses. Mucked around the main road outside waiting for their cab before I returned to the Kendall Hall common room to find everyone dead asleep. That was 5am. Got woken up at 7.45am to find everyone but David and Shaun gone. God that morning was so hard.

So since the start of school, it's been a tricky game of finding time to catch up with lessons every single day. Last year I whined about the timetable, but this year I won't even bother. It's just horrifying. Let's just say there are too many days with lectures running 9am-5pm.

Time after school is spent struggling to find the motivation to revise the day's work. A 10am start puts a smile on any of the 2nd year's faces. 7 subjects, 9 exams, and no options to sit supps, unless I want to waste the 2k of savings I spent on a flight to London this winter :/

I WILL POWER THROUGH THIS SEMESTER. It's been a strange year so far, probably for everyone in the world. But how can I let this overwhelm me? It'll make me pathetic.

hello almost dead blog

After 2 weeks at the SPCA, 2 flus, a hellish flight, 15 days at a dairy I am back and sitting comfortable in my lovely bed in my lovely apartment. Last few days have been just lazing around, looking for fridges, putting things away, setting things up and the like. Trying to get things in order before the new semester starts and Milky moves in!

Can't wait. I've spent so much time alone in this apartment already, when David's not around. I don't mind being alone for brief periods, but I don't think I could live alone. Once i'm over the ME time I just feel bored. It makes me sit in front of the telly for HOURS. If housematey goes to sleep it makes me feel inclined to wander off to my own room instead of continuing to vegetate in front of the tv.

And, alone, by the time I feel remotely compelled to gather some essentials to take to bed (water bottle, phone, laptop), it's at a pretty stupid hour with everything just dead quiet. So quiet it rings it your ears how alone you really are. Wondering if the big bad housebreaking hobo can get in through the balcony window. OOooh lock room door time. WHY did I just do that to myself.

Anyway... David is moving in with Kathy and Bidina which should be pretty exciting. I love the fact that I'll go on over whenever, and yay all 3 are there! It's a lovely combination. We can do fun stuff together. Like play Taboo.

I have to announce here that I got the game for $5 from the Daylesford Market. Also got The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling for $2! I think David and I have made it a habit to check out markets. It's been pretty great so far, buying stupid shit. Taboo for $5 was a real bargain, I think it retails for $30-$40.

Still looking for fridges unfortunately, even though it hasn't been for that long. Fridge died while I was in SG, and David being such a sweetheart cleaned the mutating crap that was in there so I wouldn't come back to a major stinkfest. Thank goodness. I had to throw out the tupperware I used for the food cos there was a stink I just couldn't scrub off. I hate the fact that I have to stock a fridge from the start. Like... margarine and cheese and dips and stuff like that. Sauces, sambals, oh it hurts to know it's all gone. Fresh (pun hehe) start though.

Wow this is a fucking boring entry. Boringness continues.

I bought new boots today in a mildly drunken stupor, after 2 overpriced pints at rooftop. Was freezing up there though. BY THE WAY MELBOURNE, England rang, they want their shitty summer back. SHIT it was cold. And cloudy. Most depressing summer! It was so beautiful the start of last year, wearing dresses till the end of April. But NO. I saw people getting their winter gear out for today. Ridiculous. According to Mike, Melbourne is fucked for summer for the next 10 years because of La Nina. Jesus I really hope not.. So far Melbourne has had what.. 3 days of beautiful summery weather? Meh.

Yeah... Ok.

Frank Darabont + ZOMBIES + TV series = I MUST WATCH THIS

God when did I become so out of touch?

to be 11 again

It's been 10 years since I was a serious AXN addict. Time to find the DVD boxset. Gatekeepers <3

Imagine, some crazy lady who dresses up as a pirate and prances around the roof of her apartment block.

But anyway, I watched Gulliver's Travels today and thought of this song.

last few weeks in review

I hate this country more than ever. While the weather's always fine and things are somewhat cheaper, the people are crap and this country has zero compassion whatsoever.

Save for the people I know and love. They form part of a small minority that possibly cares.

Ashwin has been a huge part of my life, all my life. The last 3 weeks have taught me that really, this country is just not where I want him to be. Behind every face who wants to help is a space cadet, a disappearing act, a lot of words and no actions which has had us chasing our tails since day one. My parents are exhausted, and they've been dealing with this all year. It's only been 3 weeks and I feel inexplicably tired. And my sister? I can't even begin to imagine how she feels.

Since he's started school this week things have calmed down significantly. The house is quiet most of the day, I can finally sleep. But i'm prepared for a lack of it when the weekend comes around.

Monday was his review at IMH (previously known as Woodbridge) and Aresha told the doc along with subordinates and case workers pretty much the whole story. From childhood up till now. And how Ashwin behaves now is a manifestation of all that he and us went through as kids. A job, and several Personal Protection Orders later it all stopped when I was about 10.

While there are kids out there who turned out awesome with equally awesome parenting, there are some who just needed a good slap or two when they were kids. Like I might've mentioned before, i'm always thankful for the experiences in my life cos they've contributed to the person i've become today. But at what cost?

Then again, normalcy? Having been in Australia for 2 years, a taste of calm opposed to 19 years of chaos. If only I could have my family with me. I could go the rest of uni without being home even once, but the sense of abandonment is too much for me to just disregard everything we've been through as a family and how tightly knit we've become from it.

happy new year