this is shitshitshit

I never thought it'd ever happen. but i broke my wrist a week and a half ago.

2 days alone was pretty hard, today i can't even bring myself to get out of bed. it's 430pm and the sun's already starting to set. i've spent a stupid amount of money the past week so now i'm forced to derive new ways of cooking dinner.

my apartment is in an epic mess, and roti's made a royal mess of the bathroom. when paul followed me to the hospital the first time round he helped carry my jacket and bag out of what i thought was being really nice, only to turn around and say that i needed a boyfriend to do these things... albeit jokingly..

it struck a nerve and one week has passed and i need someone more than ever. i feel vulnerable in every sense and i really wanted to go back to singapore for the first time since i've been here but fuck me, the one time i want to go home, i can't.

i don't quite know what to do with my time.. i can't go out and shoot, missed out on 3 weeks of farmwork - i really wanted to see the lambing - can't go to a bar without feeling overly self conscious, and i really don't enjoy staying home for extended periods of time. garrr... and paul left today.. theres no one left!