My last cigarette is sitting next to me. To be smoked at some point in time today. Sigh. If I put together all the boxes of cigarettes i've happily given away... I'd say it would come up to about just less than one carton. I need an influx of Singaporeans into Melbourne and I need them now. To buy me cartons of Marlboro Menthol Lights.
Yesterday was my very first university ball. Vet Ball 2010, Derelicte themed. I spent give-or-take around 2 hours folding a kawasaki rose out of newspaper and thought it was a winner. Until I got to Lincoln On Toorak to find Melanie in a DIY maxi dress made out of blankets and scraps of fabric.
She spent about 5 days sewing it together in total.
Towards the end of the night I found myself standing close enough to Alysha to hold her hair back, but far enough to narrowly avoid the projectile chunks of our 3 course dinner splashing against the sidewalk. The rest of my night followed in a similar fashion. At 3am, after bringing Alysha to a friend's house in Southbank to crash, I quietly walked across the bridge over the river towards Flinders, smoking, and taking in the sights.
As dangerous as it would be for a girl in a cocktail dress and heels to be walking around alone in the middle of the night, this weird kind of sadness overwhelmed me. I felt so horribly empty. Hmph. I wonder now if I ever felt okay and just at ease with being on my own. I don't ever recall just feeling happy with being by myself. Then again it sucks either way cos nothing has worked out in my favour the past year and a half.
Can someone please tell me how to be happy?
1 comment:
:'( aww bb. things will get better ok, hang in there.
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