missing you muchly

It's totally not fair how this has panned out. Outraged. Will protest.

My last cigarette is sitting next to me. To be smoked at some point in time today. Sigh. If I put together all the boxes of cigarettes i've happily given away... I'd say it would come up to about just less than one carton. I need an influx of Singaporeans into Melbourne and I need them now. To buy me cartons of Marlboro Menthol Lights.

Yesterday was my very first university ball. Vet Ball 2010, Derelicte themed. I spent give-or-take around 2 hours folding a kawasaki rose out of newspaper and thought it was a winner. Until I got to Lincoln On Toorak to find Melanie in a DIY maxi dress made out of blankets and scraps of fabric.

She spent about 5 days sewing it together in total.

Towards the end of the night I found myself standing close enough to Alysha to hold her hair back, but far enough to narrowly avoid the projectile chunks of our 3 course dinner splashing against the sidewalk. The rest of my night followed in a similar fashion. At 3am, after bringing Alysha to a friend's house in Southbank to crash, I quietly walked across the bridge over the river towards Flinders, smoking, and taking in the sights.

As dangerous as it would be for a girl in a cocktail dress and heels to be walking around alone in the middle of the night, this weird kind of sadness overwhelmed me. I felt so horribly empty. Hmph. I wonder now if I ever felt okay and just at ease with being on my own. I don't ever recall just feeling happy with being by myself. Then again it sucks either way cos nothing has worked out in my favour the past year and a half.

Can someone please tell me how to be happy?

how things have changed from approximately a year ago..

From hardly being in school, to being in school ALL THE TIME. Typical Melbourne student life isss.... having about MAX 20 contact hours in uni a week. Which is rarely the case for most courses. This time last year I had Thursdays off and 4 hour days (or less).

Now i'm in school 8 hours a day. Not really complaining though, oh, except the SHITLOAD of work. I'm starting to question whether it's humanly possible for a retard like me to get through this.

Next.

If it wasn't for Jai last year, I wouldn't have met Ephraim and Sanny. Wouldn't have met the Final Eclipse. Or gone through emotional roller coasters with Rajiv. But then I wouldn't have met Percy or Asami and her lovely band, as well as a whole load of other music people the past year if it wasn't for her. But this time last year I hardly had any friends. Weekends were spent watching Superbad amongst a small pool of movies I had. Now every weekend's been made of awesome. I just need to watch the beers.. Been drinking so much it's coming out of my ears.

My financial situation is about the same. I wouldn't consider that a sad situation - i've bought pretty much everything I need in this apartment and couldn't be happier. I finally bought a 2nd set of sheets. Just a pimp as the last set.

And now i'm actually meeting Australians! Well they're all in my course but somehow all (well.. most) of them have been fantastic friends so far. We've had so much fun so far and it's only half of first semester. Think another 3 and a half years! Hope we don't get sick of each other.

Love life is just as dramatic as ever. But what the fuck's new? I miss the stability of a relationship.

I meant for this post to be deeper and darker than this, but I feel like my brain is made of jelly, after unsuccessfully trying to bulldoze my way through 50 pages of laboratory instructions for 6 hours of dog dissection over the next 2 days. On the flipside, Asami's playing a gig tomorrow night so I can't wait! Especially after 4 hours of lectures in school, finishing with a 3 hour dissection that smells like death... Exciting.

ultimate geekdom is possibly....

Feeling perfectly content tinkering around on Photoshop, while listening to the Smiths and looking forward to watching The Mighty Boosh afterwards, completely alone.

Perfectly content.

And so.. life moves on.

i'm floating

Disclaimer: Am not high.

And I don't mean floating in a good way... just that uneasiness like you've lost your footing walking down steps. Just waiting for the impact to hit you.

Vet school has been great, I swear there's nothing like it. It's been nice making new friends and we've all bonded so well. 2 more weeks to Easterss... and my 21st birthday! It's gonna be epic, I feel it in my bones.

Work's starting to catch up with me, so the Easter break will be a major catch up session for me. It hasn't been bad so far, but I can't lose steam so fast either.

Past couple of days have been a shock to the system but i'm not gonna let it bother me like I did last year. If all the heartbreak from before has taught me anything, it's that I need to keep things in check instead of putting it off and digging holes for myself to get caught in. We can only run away from the truth for so long. As long as you don't ruin any music for me, we'll be cool, eventually.

Now I just need to wash my sheets.

Jesus fucking christ Aruna. Didn't you say no more musicians? What the fuck is wrong with you?

And how many times do you have to fall asleep drunk on beaches till you realise its a bad idea?

I was going to watch the news, but the TV reception is busted. So is my Foxtel. That's just great.

HOLY FUCKIN SHIT

Seriously crasy tings. The hailstones were half the size of my fist at first and was hammering my roof. The hailstones got smaller progressively and then it started monsoon raining so bad I couldn't see the CBD buildings from my balcony. And I live just next to these buildings.

Apparently Southern Cross was evacuated cos the roof broke and Village Cinema at Crown had a leaky roof. Everywhere's gonna be flooded now.. Jesus I can't imagine the magnitude of damage everywhere else now. I'm thanking god now for keeping my home intact.

Gonna watch the news now.

sing sang sung

I can't stop listening to Air's latest album, Love 2.

The past 2 weeks i've learnt that the next 4 years are gonna be tough as hell. But i've waited this long, i've worked hard to get here and wanted it so bad I honestly can't see myself doing anything that I will pull through. Even if it means being... CONSISTENT! Last 2 years have been great, all the crazy, out of this world shit i've been doing but now it's time to get real.

Can't run away from it anymore. As much as i'd love to drop everything, change my name, busk for a living and live in Paris with a random boy I WILL HANG IN THERE even during the toughest parts. Cos its not over till I say it is. Besides I don't think I have any talents that'd be lucrative enough for busking...

Tough as they said it would be, I think it was a good idea going for orientation and all. I'm quite excited to start learning. Learning how to be a VET! It makes me feel tingly inside.

epic

"Hi- I mean.. Bonjour! Je voudrais une... uh... ticket, plea- si'l vous plait.."

Paris was unforgettable. Hardly took any photos, didn't buy anything, but it was perfection. Updates soon.

I have waited YEARS FOR THIS DAY!

FINALLY!

let's bitch let's bitch let's bitch about each other

Let us talk about and judge things we do not fully understand.

Let us fool around with the concept of finding the truth, let's ride on the lies.

Let us take the easy way out, let's talk behind each other's backs.

Let us stay juvenile, because really, what's the incentive behind maturity?

Let's bitch about each other, because we used to be friends.

after my 2nd week in London.....

.....I'm starting to miss warm weather very badly.

These 2 weeks have been crazy! But it's been great so far. Christmas was low-key which felt unfamiliar, as it's always been insane back in 407 Upper Changi Road every single year. But I got to wear my hand knitted '60s jumper.

New Year's Eve was brilliant. Things were going pretty shitty.. We found a nice pub in Leicester Square but completely didn't realise it was 12am at all. Had a few drinks, saw a few jackasses here and there and as we were about to leave.. If Aresha didn't say it, we'd have gone home feeling quite bleh.

She pointed out this one pretty cute Eurasian looking guy sitting nearby with a group of boys. All dressed quite well and not hitting on any girls so we could only assume they were gay. On an alcohol-fuelled impulse (just love that phrase) I grabbed the arm of one of his friends passing by, a Chinese dude. Asked him if his friend was available and whether he'd like to speak to Aresha, much to her extreme horror (I could tell by the look on her face).

Turns out the whole table was a group of guys from Paris in London for a couple of days. Got the cute Eurasian to talk to Aresha, so the rest of the French boys were left talking to me and Renu. Who by the way I conveniently forgot to blog about, is my cousin from the States who's here for her 21st birthday. The last time I met her was 12 years ago, but we've made up for lost time pretty well. Anyway...

Couple of hours later, I was pretty smashed, standing on a street corner in Leicester Square eating pizza in the snow. It started snowing on New Year's Day! How god damn romantic is that. One of the French guys was pretty insistent on getting my number. Up till now I haven't memorised my UK number.. So I gave him my Australian one? I don't know what's the point of that but... Drunk lah. I just liked listening to them rattle off in French.

So took the free tube home, was harassed by a threesome of dickheads. Openly making comments about how they'd like to 'smack that'. Dude.. that song is so old. Keep up with the times, and while you're at it please buy a mirror. You look like a hedgehog.

So far all the asshole encounters we've had were from British Indians. Which isn't a surprise but yet it irritates me. Especially how you can continue to behave the way you do despite us feeling (and looking) thoroughly pissed off.

I think this UK trip has been the most fruitful within just these 2 weeks. I've revisited Big Ben, London Eye, and I finally got to see Buckingham Palace and St. Paul's Cathedral! Visited Tate Modern and the Natural History museums which were fantastic. Saw the millenium bridge too which was pretty cool.

Next up?
Tower Bridge
Arsenal FC
Chelsea FC (cos they're both in London, I might as well make someone jealous)
Camden Market (tomorrow!)
ABBEY ROAD!

I know it's just a zebra crossing. But it's iconic. And I love the Beatles!
There's much much more to come. I hope to make some cool friends. Maybe go to France? Haha! Fucking no money.

I need to get some sort of illegal job while i'm here. Cash in hand or something.

Speaking of money, I may just end up losing my apartment. Courtesy of my ex-housemate who hasn't returned my bond yet so I can pay the landlord. If I do... Ohhh dear. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Finding an apartment like mine is hard! It's one of a kind! I will seriously cry if anything serious happens. I just put up my fairy lights! And I won't get my 3 weeks of being a swinging single in my apartment before Geetha arrives!

I'll save ranting about self-mutilating artists for another entry. Some exhibits at Tate Modern just plain shocked me. I know art is subjective and shouldn't always be taken literally but... I guess I only like certain kinds of art. What the fuck kinda comments am I making. This is why I'm a science student.

In a nutshell. I want to marry a French boy one day. 'Nuff said. Let's not stray down any unchartered paths just yet.

it is 1 degree celsius

Landed this morning at about 4.45am, it was -4 degrees outside Aresha's apartment. Saw remnants of snow from the week before. The driver took me thru Central London and it was as beautiful as I remember. I think London looks much better at night.

Today it was 1 degree. Was babysitting the 2 crazies when it started snowing! For the first time in my life, I saw real-time-falling-from-the-sky snow. In the 5pm darkness, we got our jackets and boots on and ran outside towards the riverside. I felt like such a kid! But it was lovely, even thrilling. Watching soft fluffs of snow fall from the sky, making snowballs as we ran along the deserted street by the river. I wanted to take pictures but it wasn't long before my hands went completely numb and hurt like a motherfucker. Even with gloves.

I HOPE IT SNOWS FOR CHRISTMAS. It'd be so romantic, and yet..

i've lost the feeling in my hands

MEL - SG - UK - SG - MEL

Embarking on the 2nd leg of this mad journey tonight. It's been a nice 4 days. The idea of going to the UK with absolutely no money is scary.

I have semi-packed, not because i'm particularly hardworking, but because there was no real need to empty my suitcase over the last couple of days. The only real pain in the ass is going on a scavenger hunt around my house for a list of items my sister has compiled. Oh and wrapping Christmas presents.

Time for a shower. Next blog entry will be in the UK. Global blogging!

back from sydney, bitchez

Ma has been here for exactly two weeks now, and we just got back from Sydney. The week and a half before that had me running around showing her where I go, who I meet, what I eat and do for fun et cetera. It's been a good two weeks, I just hope she's enjoyed herself? Haha. Finally did the Great Ocean Rd and Twelve Apostles trip, as well as a short trip to Sydney to visit family and see the sights.

I was a bit anxious as the plane landed in Sydney.. Before I decided to come to Melbourne to study it was a toss-up between the two big cities. Perth? Adelaide? Not even close. After this trip I feel so reassured that I chose Melbourne over Sydney.

Granted... Sydney has the huge attractions. Darling Harbour, Opera House, Bondi Beach, all world famous attractions. As well as the river. Zahra was telling me all her stories of all the fun things she'd do around the city with her friends. And for a few minutes I pondered... What's so great about Melbourne then?

I love my apartment, the city, the friends i've made, my uni, everything's just been pieced together in the most wonderful way. Melbourne may not have the huge tourist attractions that Sydney boasts but once you put in a little bit of effort to find it's own brand of attractions that everyone enjoys.. you don't end up feeling like a tourist at all. And once you no longer feel like foreigner, so much more of the city opens up to you. The whole time in Sydney all I wanted to do was to go back home. To Melbourne.

It's only been a year but I've got so many memories here already. Lying on St Kilda beach in the freezing cold at night, slow dancing on Swanston St to a busking violinist, drinking wine in Carlton Gardens, passing out in nice smelling bushes, spending entire days in my apartment butt naked, chalking a street in Toorak at 2am, sussing out the cheapest places for beer, then having beers while swimming in the middle of the night... All with the loveliest bunch of people. Despite recent events I can't help but smile when I think back to just... a few months ago. Next year will be off the hook.

Anyways, once my mom leaves I have about 48 hours to live it up till it's back to SG. Steady.

this is not goodbye

I feel like a part of me died when I saw you cry at the airport. Don't sensitif ok? I'll see you soon, be it 1 month or 1 year.

hello world.

I am back, although I never said I was taking a break. I feel bad having left this space behind for so many weeks, but ever since Geocities shut down for good I assume everyone thinks this blog is dead.

The exams have been over for a week, and pre-vet year has been done and dealt with. Long have I waited for this day.. However... No more slacking next semester onwards. This year has been great, but i'll save that for another entry, there's still a month and a half to go.

The rest of the year sees me flying back to Singapore (oh how things have changed) for 5 days then whizzing off to the UK for a white Christmas. Or at least I hope it'll be white. I'll still be back here about 3 weeks prior to the start of next semester, so there's enough time for hopefully 1 tram/train survey and some quality time spent in my apartment.

I need to stop taking 1 hour breaks between blogging.

I honestly think I am an alien. Or at least am retarded on some sort of extra-terrestial level.
I can't help myself, I just have all this love to give.
I'm going to blow my ear drums with music now. Nothing works better to numb my brain.

kiss your eyelids goodnight

Always adds magic to my nights.



School re-starts tomorrow.. I've had an amazing 2 week break doing fuckall.. almost. Made new friends, came close to a personal revelation, spent a bit too much on junk food, finally acquired the taste for beer, spilt a few beans here and there... Need to clean that up maybe.

After countless slabs of beer and having friends over almost every night the apartment looks terrifying. I hope to not give Geetha a heart attack when she flies back here on Tuesday.

Another reason why I wanna stay - I LOVE my apartment to bits and pieces. Putting everything together by myself, random items from the furniture dump given a new lease on life, throw in a few random instruments (my guitar and latest addition MY DJEMBE hur), cable TV and fantastic unbeatable internetz and you got yourself a kick-a-bad-motherfucker's-ass apartment.

I finally did what I wanted to do for a long time... Drink wine in Carlton Gardens and with the lovely company of Asami and Rajiv a bit later on. And more wine and more wine until before I could even grasp what was going on there went the entire evening and now i'm sitting here with my brain still not being able to register how late it is and that I should actually be sleeping.

I shall countdown the weeks to when I resume this wonderful almost completely sedentary lifestyle.... 6 weeks till the end of the exams and till the magic starts once again.

davidlove

Miss the crazy analogies. You cannot beat David la Aresha. Have I mentioned i'm not coming back over summer? And now after seeing the lineup for Big Day Out and maybe Soundwave it's more or less decided... And ma is coming to visit in December. This means Christmas with friends, or Uncle Ram. HURH