It's not coming. My dress will never come. It's really lost.

Those FUCKING BASTARDS!

Another dress just ain't gonna cut it, sista.

remember miss singapore? the one who was actually hot?

This one.

I couldn't believe it when I saw it, but she's now a Deal or No Deal girl. How does that happen? How many brain cells do you need to do that job? I really cannot believe it. Why she did that to herself, is beyond me.

Ah, this Goldie mix is SHIOK BODOOOOOO hahahah shit I can't stop doing that. It's such a ching-chong-trying-to-step-melayu-gangster thing to say but I just can't help it la. Next week's the first DNB event i'll be going for after the A's. Saturday. Friday is a much-awaited movie date with Mon! It's been long, TOO long since we've gone out for rubbish. Thursday i'm gonna neaten my eyebrows and hit the gym. Saturday too. It's also Mimi's mom's Haj kenduri so I should be going for that too.

The following week I will be camped out at Woodlands. At Mimi's of course. I will be spending a few days there, so I will be MIA from the 26th for quite a bit. Gonna watch our million movies, spend time with a certain someone i've erm.. 'reconciled' with? After about two months of not talking.

I'm glad la. That we're talking again. I highly doubt anything's gonna happen out of this, though it would be a nice change.

Mm so, my dress STILL hasn't arrived. The people I bought the dress from said it's only been 3 weeks, it can take up to 4, and if i'm really paranoid I should check with customs. Of course I checked with customs.

Customs then directed me to Singapore Post, who then directed me to Loyang Post or something like that. A very enthusiastic chinese lady picked up and you know the kind, the ones who keep repeating the same thing over and over like a broken record. But she did take my number and address down so she could double check. Oh man, please don't lose my dress. Of all things to lose, not my beautiful dress :(

So the A's are almost coming to a close. I really don't know where to start when it comes to partaying, cause the funds are limited. I HAVE to find O level kids to tutor asap, and find a temp job in December if I can.

Money is gonna be damn tight cause I need to save for damn Chiangmai. Parents are not forking out a cent. For anything. At all. Not my license, camera, laptop for university, absofuckinglutely nothing.

I understand the need to work and save up for my own shit. But less than 6 months of working isn't gonna earn me anything close to enough, considering I have to cover my own transport and whatever going out I'd do. Even though I don't have anything close to half the free time my sister did when she was my age, I will work something out. That way, I owe my parents NOTHING (in terms of these particular things) and demand I be left alone. Of course i'll still be around the house, just not as much.

I am just not the kind to sit around all day at home. Be it read a book, watch tv on the sofa, nap, or use the computer it just CANNOT be for the entire day. A couple of hours, fine. But this is ridiculous. My family abides by these habits. If my mom even SUGGESTS the idea of me not going out when I have absolutely nothing else productive or better to do in the house I will lose it.

Besides, you need to leave your house at least once a day. It's unhealthy to spend so long at home. Even if it's going to the shop or taking your dog for a walk, just get out of the damn house.

Speaking of taking your dog for a walk, i've been bringing Dog for her walks more often, which is good for the both of us. I love to people watch. Saw a childhood friend - Kenneth - while I was walking Dog. Like how most of the neighbourhood kids grown up behave, we ignored each other, but completely aware.

I remember Kenneth used to bully the slightly mentally disabled boy who was terrified of caterpillars. We were young and stupid, and found it hilarious when a caterpillar fell on the boy. I remember back then he asked me to call him Ah Seng, and insisted he was a gang leader. I didn't poke fun at him, he could have totally normal conversations, but I found him amusing. He also thought he was a bus driver, and would ride his bike in a circuit around the (pre-renovated) park, making bus door opening and closing noises and whatnot.

We'd ride our bikes behind him forming a line. When the park flooded after it rained, we'd dig up trenches and link them all up in the swing area, buy a catfish from the Thai shop near Miss U Cafe and let it swim around. When we all had to go home for our dinners we'd pick it up, cycle to the nearby canal and drop it in.

A neighbour I once blogged about before, Alvin the insensitive ass that pointed mockingly while I was having a hard time with my brother, used to be a major fish freak. I don't know if he still is, but his sister and I were the bestest of the best of friends. I know it sounds cheesy to call someone that, but if we hadn't had that silly argument 6 years ago, this'd be our 14th year of friendship. We used to share our Barbie dolls and cycle everywhere together. We'd spend hours at each other's houses without a care because we lived 3 houses away from each other. After school years ago we'd phone each other and see how loud we'd need to scream till we could hear each other without using the phone.

It far surpassed any friendship I have now at that point, and when we fell apart I cried for weeks.

As I finished the route I walk Dog through round the neighbourhood, I saw her peering over her fence into the drain as her mom washed their driveway. She looked up and smiled at me.

I couldn't help but feel the slightest tinge of loss, even though it's been so many years. It could've been for the best, we've grown into totally different people. But a small part of me insists something will work. Till now I still remember her phone number, cause I used to call her so often back in the day.

One milo at Simpang never hurt anyone right? I'll give it a shot. I shan't harbor any hopes but you never know.

I returned the smile and walked home.

Yeah, sob story.

Anticlimax of the year : I just bought 3 sets of the KINKIEST underwear! Looks like i'm gonna start my post-A Level partaying with a bang (not literally, HAHAHA)!

Panda Porn

After Mariam's revival of the panda sneezing video, I came across this;



That's fucking amazing. There's hope for pandas yet.

Am 3 papers to the end of my suffering. Econs was a nightmare though, as always. I can relek after next Monday! I can't fucking wait. There'll still be Bio on Thursday, but that's MCQ.

And oh, remember to get your post-prom tickets from me! :D

NOW i know what was missing

Fuckin' FILTERS!

Decepticons, I tell you.

deepavali in a nutshell

Dysfunction at its peak. My grandma is so patient.

Superpaati - that's what Aresha calls her. 2 weeks ago, I dropped my plate of food on the floor when she was taking a break from teaching Judith (the new filipino) how to cook curry and she just laughed it off, and laughed harder when Dog started slobbering all over the floor eating everything up.

3 signs that show Deepavali will end in standard GK disaster;

1) Pa gets drunk
2) Ash throws a cranky tantrum
3) Ma and Pa end up having an argument as good as a fist fight

It's almost an annual ritual. It gets funnier. Every. Damn. Year. No i'm serious.

market failure and macroeconomic problems

I wish I had flawless skin. As effortlessly as everyone else. I am probably more hygienic than most people, yet still. I guess we all have our hangups.

It kills me that i've bought my prom dress but my skin still sucks. There's a way around it I suppose. I don't know how long shipping is supposed to take, but it hasn't arrived yet.
























I just hope it hasn't fallen off a ship and floated to Madagascar.

Oh yes, Christmas is coming. And of course it'll be a happening party at 407 Upper Changi Road. It always is.

When November comes around I always irritate people by asking them if they can 'smell' Christmas. No, seriously. I can. It's that feeling of joy that the year's ending, the holidays, the weather. The days just seem loads more carefree when the end of the year is coming. And I guess I associate that with Christmas.

There's only one thing in the way now.

Monday - Malay B Listening Compre
Tuesday - Chemistry P2
Wednesday - Economicssssss
Friday - Chemistry P1

And the following week;
Monday - Biology P3
Thursday - Biology P1

And then...... BLISS. All the money I haven't spent will be flying out of my wallet. I need a source of income so I'll have enough for the Chiangmai trip.

'O' Level Biology tuition, anyone?

just a little sample...

Of how it feels after the exams. All major papers down, and hell week is over. Chem, Bio and Math crammed into two days. SEAB should fire the fucker who scheduled the papers. I thought Bio Chem Math students get it the worst, but actually it's the Bio Chem Math GEOG students. God.

Chem from 8 to 10am, Geog from 2 to 5pm on Monday. Bio from 8 to 10am then Math from 2 to 5pm.

Chem went great, Bio was so-so, Math was FANTASTIC! I finished in 2 hours, and re-did the paper again. But it kinda went that way for just about everyone, but I prayyy if there is a god (my favourite line for now) it'll push up my horrible Paper 1. It's hard to say for Bio and Chem cause there's still another 2 papers to go, and SPA. I'd have to say.. so far so good. But I don't wanna jump ahead and curse whatever good luck i've had so far. I don't want another repeat telecast of the O's.

K so anyway, Fatimah started hyperventilating really bad before the Math paper today. It was terrifying, she could barely breathe and started shaking. Her arms started going numb and cold and she was sweating like crazy. Thank god her dad came with an inhaler just before it got REALLY bad. You see what A levels does to us. It was really scary la, but thankfully the marking or something for her paper will be different cause she was having difficulty breathing during the paper itself.

Sharon charged in 10 minutes late for the paper carrying one shoe in her hand and her calculator and everything else in the other. She did her superwoman dash to her table, only to slip and fling her calculator several tables away. Mind you, we all have modest $150-$190 graphic calculators and she uses the $200+ silver edition and sent it flying. She probably fell asleep in the library again. I had to cover my mouth lest I let out an insensitive giggle or two.

So it's another 2 and a half weeks. This quarter of a day alone of not studying or worrying about studying feels so... foreign now. It's strange. All I did was take a shower and watch tv the entire time. I don't even feel as hungry as I usually would while I study.

Ahhh... gonna have some well deserved sleep and wake up late tomorrow. Then.... study econs. Gurgh.

Just a little more.

So.

There's a chance I won't get into vet school at all. That chance just grew by 25%.

And Cambridge's out too. Another 25%.

Well, like I said. There are still other things I could do and still be happy.

Really.

Could this day get any fucking worse?

it has BEGUN!

Sat for my BioMedical Admissions Test today. Sad to say, it was majorly fucked up. To whoever I showed the specimen papers to, it wasn't even close to being that easy. Section 1, time's up, 5 blank options. So I had to gabra shade anyhow.

Section 2. Managed to finish, but screwed all the physics questions. Thankfully there were only 3 (or 4?), and I scribbled down random answers that didn't make any sense. I was so disheartened when I took 2 seconds to look around at all these other aspiring doctors or vets, viciously tearing up their BMAT answer sheets with perfect answers. Never in my life have I felt so stupid. Considering I did absolutely no revision for this test, I hope to at least get a 5.0 (on a scale of 0 to 9.0).

Gah. When I first walked into the corridor of anxious students waiting to sit for the BMAT, I felt uncomfortable being surrounded by all these RJC/VJC/HCI students. I don't know about brilliant, but i'm sure they could kick ass studying hard. I could feel their elitist stares boring into the back of my head, and I just wanted to shout 'I STUDIED FOR 2 WEEKS FOR MY O LEVELS AND I'M PROUD OF IT'. Well not proud of it per se. But it doesn't make me stupider than you.

I was THE only person from an idiot JC. Thank god there were no familiar faces, otherwise i'd have to hear about how they could do it and I couldn't. There goes Cambridge, not that I was banking on it. But i'm terrified of losing Royal Vet College as an option.

The only, slightest consolation was that I looked up a forum holding a discussion for today's BMAT. UK's top students applying for 4 medicine courses in 4 top notch universities requiring BMAT results admitted that the test was super fucking hard, and most of them ended up guessing the last few questions. I don't know if that compares to the local muggers in this shithole, but I guess it could've been worse la.

I shan't be disheartened. I shall kick some Math Paper 1 ass on Friday, I hope. Oh yes, the A levels have started. It's just one last step away from being over. Start hoarding your confetti and alcohol from now people, you'll need it for all the partying i'll be doing. With you of course.

1 week left

Had a sorta eventful weekend.

Ash smashed up the entire kitchen on Sunday.

I told the parents to go out. Pa received a letter from Citibank saying they'd give him either a $200 Takashimaya voucher or a 2D/1N stay at the Ritz Carlton if they just attended a preview of some exclusive club thing. They're not even obliged to sign up. I told them to go for it.

And then Ash went off. Shards of porcelain, broken soya sauce and alcohol bottles, a toppled gas canister and 4 police officers later, Ash was in handcuffs and had chunks of broken glass and porcelain wedged in his feet. I had to keep calling my mom as he was breaking everything - I was torn between charging into the kitchen to stop him, taking a golf club and beating the shit out of him, or just stand by and watch him turn the kitchen upside down.

Maryjane left last week. The new maid was screaming her ass off when he broke the first bowl. I told her to calm down, lock the back gate and come to the front of the house through the back drain.

I'm not gonna go into much detail la, my mind's all over the place as it is. But let's just say for the day we had absolutely nothing in our kitchen. No bowls, mugs, glasses, food in the fridge, salt, pepper, ALL the damn spices, all the jars of stuff like mayonnaise and pickled god knows what, meat in the freezer, ketcup, chilli sauce, basically everything la.

I'm so bummed. It's like I got bored waiting for the A Levels to start and end. I've lost the drive to study. Sigh.

you know...

You can be the brightest, the smartest, the cream of the crop (i've always HATED that idiom).

But at some point, you can be so brilliant that you start to border on mental. So no matter how you break your achievements down and file them chronologically, according to magnitude or even try to colour coordinate them, you're still some form of insane.

My head is killing me. I don't know if it's a case of 'studying-too-much'. It's more of a 'worrying-too-much-about-studying-too-little'. It's been throbbing the whole damn day, i'm actually capable of stabbing someone if they irritate me just about enough.

Maryjane has left. We've gone 24 hours without a maid and Ma was all tuckered out from cooking fried rice. What is our family coming to.

Am gonna wake up at 8am tomorrow to do laundry before going to school for a mock math paper.

At night I never wanna sleep... and in the morning I just never wanna wake up. It's a horrible feeling.

another rough weekend

Especially for Aresha. Ash tripped and fell flat on his face - a total accident, but my mother sees it otherwise. She just needs someone to blame, so she can show the world what a fantastic mother she is and how she cares for his well being.

I'm just really trying to detach myself from this nonsense, temporarily.

For the first time in 5 years, my parents are sleeping in the same room again. I think it's miraculous, but I highly doubt the possibly of this arrangement being permanent. It's almost too good to be true. The worst part? If she gets fed up the only available room is mine.

I'm the only one who has a room that isn't really... my room. It's become everyone's junkyard. I don't know when the day will come when I finally have a room I can call MY OWN DAMN ROOM. Where my photos and posters and whatnot don't occupy a miserable half-a-room. After the A's there gonna be some major errr... moving.

Heppenings;

1. Found THE perfect prom dress. Like seriously... perfect. Allow me to be bimbotic for a sec. But my mom has to be a wet blanket and say it's too plunging. It's not... really. I know by my standards what's plunging to you and to me may be quite the contrast but REALLY LA! Believe me! But I will buy it. I have to. It's calling out to me, can't you hear it?

2. Maya's yesterday night! I have seriously been absent for WAY TOO LONG. It did me good to get away from the books and the mad house to just chill and watch Hot Fuzz! Eheh. Loads of dinner laughs and having serious albeit funny conversations about religion. Few more weeks, and many more will ensue. :D

3. Got a shitload of DNB from Aresha just now. I yam a yappy happy girlie. A Sides Eastsides Mix shall be my post-exam mix.

4. Prelim grades: BBDDE. Didn't fail anything, which is fucking fantastic. 2 Bs for Chem and Bio, which is extra fan-fucking-tastic, but a D for Math, extremely depressing. Passed Econs for the first time this year and got a D while I was at it, which I think is the miracle of all miracles. Almost failed GP cause I bombed my essay, got an E, another depressing piece of shite. But overall I think i'm on the right track. As for A Levels! Jia you! Maju err... jaya! Yeah I think that's it.

5. Post A-Level holiday plans are extremely tentative. Priority is Chiangmai with David and the OCIP 2006 crew. But Ma might send to the UK again on a mission (secret ok) and Aresha asked me if i'd like to go to New Zealand for some New Year's Eve drum and bass partay that Amit's spinning at. I wish money grew on trees.

6. Possible post-A level jobs - Relief teaching, zookeeping, newspapering at Aresha's office. Offers anyone?

Yeah so those are the heppenings. Studying's been slow, but I suppose now it's just fine-tuning? Or so I think. And you know, I've come to realise not becoming a vet isn't the end of the world (duh). It'd be hard la, but I just realised there are many things I could do and still be happy.

But it's definitely gotta involve getting out of this country eventually. Staying here will drive me insane.

6 more weeks..... 6 more weeks. I'm barely hanging in there.

wow.

You are pathetic.

That was a seriously pathetic attempt.

As you can see my vocabulary at this point is very limited, but it gets the message across.

I am not enjoying these 4 weeks leading to the As. No not at all.

making a statement

Raushan sent me this link, cause we were talking about this video earlier.




And the lyrics!

Look at my face
and you can guess my race
you wont even see a trace
of anything yellow

I'm an indian guy, in Singapore,
Everytime i step out the door.
I only see yellow

And so i go to school
and everyone thinks they're cool
but they were all yellow

Chorus:
your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
is not, is not as beautiful
you know, you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world

I tried to date, a girl just like them
Didnt work out in the end
cuz she was too yellow

I even wish i was colourblind
then maybe i wouldnt mind
that she was all yellow

Chorus:
her skin, oh yeah her skin and bones
was not, was not as beautiful
you know, you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world

Its true, look how i pine for you..
look how i pine for you...

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and all the things you do..

Hilarious shit. It's great when someone once in awhile decides to stand out and not conform. I think we need more of this in this godforsaken country. Kudos to the man.

Love

It's a strong word.

People who've received my 'I love you's would know when I mean it.

I don't use it unnecessarily. Save your love for people worth it.

The Summer Roberts to my Marissa Cooper, I love you and I know you're reading this. Know I mean it, and know i'll be there for you. Even when the hardest part is over, i'll be with you every step of the way. Even if I have to go through every Bedok View yearbook to make you laugh, sift away all the depressing songs in my music albums, or even buy you kebabs every day, I will make sure you get through this as much I can.

:)

fruits of the post prelim weekend!

Friday - bummed at home.
Saturday - Zoo AND Night Safari, no night safari pics tho.
Sunday - crazy random outing with Mimi to all places random ON FOOT! Heh.

We'll let the pictures do the talking. First up... Our zoo trip!


Aresha's inner chinese shows.


Two bored parrots.


A very annoyed saki monkey.


Mr Ashwin with his 100plus looking all cool. His joy was contagious.. In the beginning la.


AMIT! The 6-foot 'fuzzy ogre' that's been living with us for the past week.


White tigers are the prettiest!


Psuedo Ronald McDonald shoes.


A reminiscing kangaroo.


The one on the right has boobs! No wait... 2nd from right. Haha.


Whoops this one has a border.


Aresha and Ash having a moment while taking a photo with the Seletar Reservoir backdrop.


Really stiff (rein)deer.


Aresha started jingling her keys to get their attention and I thought she was reminding them of Christmas.


Remember the happy monkey from the tree tops walk? This is another happy monkey.


"Can I have some?"


4 monkeys taking a photo with 5 monkeys.


A really sad looking sheep.


Little Japanese kiddos.


This leopard wouldn't stop pacing back and forth, so I gave up. But the effect is pretty cool.

Next is my little outing with Mimi earlier... Was mad fun. We met at City Hall, window shopped a lil at Raffles City, walked to the esplanade, had Max Brenner's, walked to Boat Quay, then Clarke Quay, then Fort Canning, then finally calling it a day. I think we might've shed a few kgs in the process. Heh.



A really sad looking wayang.. person.


Chocolate by the Bald Man.... It was absolutely LOVELY! Finally I had some. And it was totally worth it. Will be going back again very soon.


Mi and me outside the Esplanade.. Damn I have a scar on my nose! Heh.


Do you know what it says? Cause I sure as hell don't.


Some interesting tai chi type exercise was going on below the bridge.


How peaceful. But he looks like he's gonna HADOKEN someone. Just imagine.


I love the symmetry in this. Somewhat.


This photo has no caption. Yeah.


Big bird and a small bird. That statue has an asshole. Till now it baffles me as to why.


Us at Clarke Quay.


Love the interesting wheelchair concept this place had. Can't remember what the place was called tho. Somewhere in Clarke Quay.


We stopped for some Turkish ice cream (and got ripped off). The little 'i'll-let-you-have-it-OR-I-might-take-your-ice-cream-and-smack-some-bells' routine is pretty funny.


Trooping our way up to Fort Canning, we just had to take advantage of the sunset.


I dunno why but this reminds me of the Shire.


Tombstonessss....


Mimi jumping for joy that we're finally done.

And soooo that is the end. Also the end of me ever using the school's D70s. Ah well. Tomorrow it's back to school, back to the mugging, back to having no life.

Oh, and it's 5 weeks to the A's. Wish me luck.

am i funny?

I can't read my archives without laughing. But somehow I don't think the rest of the world can relate to my stupid sense of humour.

Anyways, my reader base, YES ALL FIVE OF YOU are very much appreciated and have special places in my heart.

Will be getting the D70s today from school and i'll take a break this weekend to go around taking photos. Just this weekend.

So if you want to catch me, this weekend is IT. Tuition night is still on Friday, Saturday night will be at the Night Safari. I'm hoping to go out and get some good shots over the next three days.

I have a bio paper in 3 and a half hours. The last god forsaken prelim paper i'll sit for. Am now filling out the Girton College and Overseas Applicant Interview forms.

Urgh. So leceh.

oh sh-

I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN. They nicely printed the page, circled it (in red fucking ink no less), folded it in three and air mailed it to me. I took extra precautions to ensure my email address was perfectly spelt, in perfect handwriting, to make sure nobody could get it wrong.

Grr. K so anyway they haven't said anything concrete about an interview, but from the looks of it I will be likely to have one at the END OF OCTOBER. I thought it'd be in December! On top of that, I have two more forms to fill out. Sheesh.

Can I just die now? Everything's happening so fucking fast i'm getting deeply irritated.

kanye you know i got your BACK!

The 50 Cent - Kanye West psuedo-feud-but-more-of-a-publicity-stunt is damn annoying. Cause its 50 Cent. How Kanye stoop to such a level! Gosh.

Kanye's outselling 50 at the moment :D

I haven't cut my fingernails since June. I don't always keep long nails, but I just never got around to cutting them. They're about 0.7mm long now, yeah I actually measured when I got bored studying.

Papers so far have been alright. I've had at least one paper everyday with the exception of 3 on Monday. Yes, three. After hearing all my friends in poly sitting for a handful of papers, I hope they don't get a heart attack. Heh. Oh and those papers have been no less than 2 hours each. Woo!

Will continue having papers everyday till next Thursday. Story of my life people.

I think getting As for the prelims are a bit far off, but I'm hoping for at least a B for at LEAST Chemistry, Bio or Math. Or all 3. I wish.

I've had the weirdest mental blocks during my papers. Chemistry Paper 3 on Monday had me ripping my hair out. I KNEW that there was only one answer to the question. And I just couldn't bloody accept it. I was adamant that its some unknown answer that I've never heard of but at the back of my mind I knew the damn answer but didn't wanna try getting it wrong.

Same thing happened today for Biology.

I haven't been sleeping much every night since Sunday. I usually don't freak out before a paper, and I was doing some major freaking out in my sleep (or lack thereof) about Chemistry. I'd wake up thinking about aluminium chloride for some fuck reason and organic chem reactions that just didn't make sense.

The following nights I tried to keep myself thinking about happy but sleep-inducing thoughts. It went better, I wouldn't wake up thinking about stuff but it'd take me at least an hour to get to sleep. Woke up stoned on Wednesday for Math.

And the period has impeccable timing. Right smack in the middle of exam week.

Grr. I feel so fucked. I hate this education system so much. But it's just another 2 months. All this, 18 years of my stupid life for a dumb piece of paper that'll dictate what i'll do in the future. I wonder if Cambridge has received my application. Haha.

Bebel Gilberto will be in Singapore 2nd October. Will prolly be going with Aresha cause nobody I know appreciates Brazilian chillout goodness. Koop was at Raffles Place last Saturday and I feel like punching myself in the head for not going cause it was FREE. If I didn't have exams... I'd have gone for Koop then trooped down to Homeclub for Goldie.

Sad story la.

"On October 2nd, you free, you let me know. When I pass I'll ride down in 6 to 7 minutes. If I don't reach your place by then means.... I'm dead."

Even sadder.

*BIGSIGH* Time to study.