distant

Feels so much better to offload everything. Met Yigang at his place and went to the nearby Mubarak place for some rojak. Told him everything inside out, and admitted to everything I was feeling. And I realise that having too much free time will be detrimental to me.

Because I have too much time to think and mull over things. So I just might take his advice and get a day job. Working at Wild Oats is alright, the people have been fun and I've gotten used to the routine. But I still have extra time on my hands.

Perhaps I should put more effort into convincing my parents to buy me a camera. So I could devote myself full time to it. I've been looking at my photos, and as much as there is room for improvement, I definitely have something i'm sure.

Focusing on the positives. I have a few friends coming to visit me Friday night at work. People! Visit me!

I now know how to open a wine bottle and serve wine. Cool ah! But I am still too weak to carry 6 Tiger beers on a tray. After awhile of carrying those darn deck tables and chairs inside and outside I think I should be ok :D

Boring already my life. Oh well, I believe its only a matter of time.

i am built for a bigger cause

My life is not fulfilling enough. I know there is something much, much bigger out there and it has my name on it.

Since the A's just ended my life is just starting out, leaving so much room to do all sorts of things. Yeah so the past 24 hours hasn't exactly been ideal, but I shouldn't let it get me down so much. On the contrary, shisha with Maya and Ameer was good fun, as always, sans the wheezing monstrosity of a man that was seated next to me.

I am starting to get sick of the people around me.

I think I need a better paying job.

I need to stop sleeping with the air-con.

I looked up Pol Pot's secret prision, S-21 and felt something stir inside me. No, it wasn't just my stomach, but more of a deep urge to go to Cambodia again.

I have to buy a D80 asap.

My life is really not complete. I have been rejected by Cambridge, but that comes as no surprise because now I know it's because of that fucking B my bitch of a Chemistry tutor predicted for me. Remember I said I would go on a murderous rampage? Well not so much now, but if the weather continued to pms like it has for the past 2 days I might've just done so.

I'm going to work tonight, and I shall contemplate my life on the way there. Because I know I am capable of bigger, badder things. A Level results aside, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We've always lived for the now.

I will pick myself up and have a kickass December leading up to 2008.

waiting

Got so much to blog about.

Ok so let try and break it down.

Was at Mimi's last Monday to Thursday. It was all about swimming and watching movies. Thanks for putting up with me in your house for so long. Her dad is damn funny. Didn't manage to lose the boncit with all the swimming though, sadly.

Prom was bad. But I was nominated for prom queen! HAHA! Me of all people! I didn't win, but I did get a snazzy t-shirt dress out of it. But it was a size M, so it looks like a nightie on me. Although, that didn't stop me from wearing it to Woodlands. Haha.

The nominees had to catwalk in the most embarassing way possible, with girls needing to shake their bootays behind each male teacher sitting at the VIP, and then making the most suggestive noise possible followed by asking into the microphone, 'Am I hot?'

By far, THE most embarassing thing i've ever done, probably after drinking a blowjob shot in front of everyone sometime last year.

It was just really dull apart from that. Half the time I was outside looking for updates about post prom ticket sales from Joshua.

Oh yes, my prom dress came. Yes, the dress that I bought online that I thought was lost. It came last Monday. It looked fantastic on the day itself, and I didn't feel the least bit slutty. Haha.

The train, like Meijuan warned me, was stepped on so many times. I was being very nice when I asked people to please get off my dress.

Just went through the photos. They all suck. Didn't really take much photos, I felt so uncomfortable in so much make up.

Post prom was an absolute blast though. I really have to thank everyone for showing up - even the last minute bastards who bought tickets. It all counts. We didn't make the $4000 bar sales mark because Zouk was mad-ass expensive, but everyone made it a great night. The Officials too, I bet walking around with those tags felt awesome haha, but good job on your part too for making sure the underaged kiddos weren't drinking.

And also the certain someone, who brought a friend, finally danced with me after taking 10 years and much prompting. And when he finally decided he wanted to, it felt like Jackson 5's Hallelujah Day was playing in my head. No i'm not exaggerating, and the song title sounds a bit too much, but it was just that feeling.

After all the running around, making sure everything was okay, everyone was having fun and the underaged wasn't drinking, I finally settled into 3 drinks and dancing with Mimi, boy and his friend. From then it was laughing at chinese retards who didn't know how to dance, bitching about random minahs around us and laughing at drunk people.

The night ended way too early at 3am, leaving many disappointed. It was still full house by that time. Ugh, why Zouk? Why? Why do you like to spoil the fun?

Aresha and me went home and let Siti Hamimah crash at our place. Got a call at 5am from Zahra telling us to come down to Simpang and so we did. After watching the last 20 mins of the Man U/Fulham match, we went home to sleeeep.

Before sending Mimi home I got some nice scratches on my hands and wrists from restraining Ash. He flew into a rage while we were still sleeping and was just starting to tear the kitchen apart once again when I got so mad I just dragged him into his room with Judith's help and restrained him inside. Mimi slept through the whole ordeal. HAHA

Yeh so that's about it. I start work tomorrow from 7-11pm at Wild Oats Bar On the Hill.

Come visit me! I'll be working on Friday and Saturday too. The manager is awesome and mad fun.

The only thing is that getting there is a bitch and a half. Still, the drinks are good and the atmosphere is tops, so DROP BY OK.

Besides, tomorrow's training, i'll be all alone.

Parents will be out of town from Thursday onwards for just a couple of days. PARTAY I SAYS!

God i'm so deprived.

prom is tomorrow

And I haven't done anything. I haven't epilated my arms, nor gone for my manicure.

I've just gotten my period, when I was planning to wear a g-string.

I have never touched a tampon, and am actually scared to death of them.

I have not made my hair or make up appointment, and every hotel i've looked up is fully booked.
Post prom is killing me - I wish I didn't have to worry about it.

My face is breaking out.

Yeah. I just want it over. I just want it over, start my job and just screw everything else. I have yet to have a day where I can worry about absolutely nothing.

It's not coming. My dress will never come. It's really lost.

Those FUCKING BASTARDS!

Another dress just ain't gonna cut it, sista.

remember miss singapore? the one who was actually hot?

This one.

I couldn't believe it when I saw it, but she's now a Deal or No Deal girl. How does that happen? How many brain cells do you need to do that job? I really cannot believe it. Why she did that to herself, is beyond me.

Ah, this Goldie mix is SHIOK BODOOOOOO hahahah shit I can't stop doing that. It's such a ching-chong-trying-to-step-melayu-gangster thing to say but I just can't help it la. Next week's the first DNB event i'll be going for after the A's. Saturday. Friday is a much-awaited movie date with Mon! It's been long, TOO long since we've gone out for rubbish. Thursday i'm gonna neaten my eyebrows and hit the gym. Saturday too. It's also Mimi's mom's Haj kenduri so I should be going for that too.

The following week I will be camped out at Woodlands. At Mimi's of course. I will be spending a few days there, so I will be MIA from the 26th for quite a bit. Gonna watch our million movies, spend time with a certain someone i've erm.. 'reconciled' with? After about two months of not talking.

I'm glad la. That we're talking again. I highly doubt anything's gonna happen out of this, though it would be a nice change.

Mm so, my dress STILL hasn't arrived. The people I bought the dress from said it's only been 3 weeks, it can take up to 4, and if i'm really paranoid I should check with customs. Of course I checked with customs.

Customs then directed me to Singapore Post, who then directed me to Loyang Post or something like that. A very enthusiastic chinese lady picked up and you know the kind, the ones who keep repeating the same thing over and over like a broken record. But she did take my number and address down so she could double check. Oh man, please don't lose my dress. Of all things to lose, not my beautiful dress :(

So the A's are almost coming to a close. I really don't know where to start when it comes to partaying, cause the funds are limited. I HAVE to find O level kids to tutor asap, and find a temp job in December if I can.

Money is gonna be damn tight cause I need to save for damn Chiangmai. Parents are not forking out a cent. For anything. At all. Not my license, camera, laptop for university, absofuckinglutely nothing.

I understand the need to work and save up for my own shit. But less than 6 months of working isn't gonna earn me anything close to enough, considering I have to cover my own transport and whatever going out I'd do. Even though I don't have anything close to half the free time my sister did when she was my age, I will work something out. That way, I owe my parents NOTHING (in terms of these particular things) and demand I be left alone. Of course i'll still be around the house, just not as much.

I am just not the kind to sit around all day at home. Be it read a book, watch tv on the sofa, nap, or use the computer it just CANNOT be for the entire day. A couple of hours, fine. But this is ridiculous. My family abides by these habits. If my mom even SUGGESTS the idea of me not going out when I have absolutely nothing else productive or better to do in the house I will lose it.

Besides, you need to leave your house at least once a day. It's unhealthy to spend so long at home. Even if it's going to the shop or taking your dog for a walk, just get out of the damn house.

Speaking of taking your dog for a walk, i've been bringing Dog for her walks more often, which is good for the both of us. I love to people watch. Saw a childhood friend - Kenneth - while I was walking Dog. Like how most of the neighbourhood kids grown up behave, we ignored each other, but completely aware.

I remember Kenneth used to bully the slightly mentally disabled boy who was terrified of caterpillars. We were young and stupid, and found it hilarious when a caterpillar fell on the boy. I remember back then he asked me to call him Ah Seng, and insisted he was a gang leader. I didn't poke fun at him, he could have totally normal conversations, but I found him amusing. He also thought he was a bus driver, and would ride his bike in a circuit around the (pre-renovated) park, making bus door opening and closing noises and whatnot.

We'd ride our bikes behind him forming a line. When the park flooded after it rained, we'd dig up trenches and link them all up in the swing area, buy a catfish from the Thai shop near Miss U Cafe and let it swim around. When we all had to go home for our dinners we'd pick it up, cycle to the nearby canal and drop it in.

A neighbour I once blogged about before, Alvin the insensitive ass that pointed mockingly while I was having a hard time with my brother, used to be a major fish freak. I don't know if he still is, but his sister and I were the bestest of the best of friends. I know it sounds cheesy to call someone that, but if we hadn't had that silly argument 6 years ago, this'd be our 14th year of friendship. We used to share our Barbie dolls and cycle everywhere together. We'd spend hours at each other's houses without a care because we lived 3 houses away from each other. After school years ago we'd phone each other and see how loud we'd need to scream till we could hear each other without using the phone.

It far surpassed any friendship I have now at that point, and when we fell apart I cried for weeks.

As I finished the route I walk Dog through round the neighbourhood, I saw her peering over her fence into the drain as her mom washed their driveway. She looked up and smiled at me.

I couldn't help but feel the slightest tinge of loss, even though it's been so many years. It could've been for the best, we've grown into totally different people. But a small part of me insists something will work. Till now I still remember her phone number, cause I used to call her so often back in the day.

One milo at Simpang never hurt anyone right? I'll give it a shot. I shan't harbor any hopes but you never know.

I returned the smile and walked home.

Yeah, sob story.

Anticlimax of the year : I just bought 3 sets of the KINKIEST underwear! Looks like i'm gonna start my post-A Level partaying with a bang (not literally, HAHAHA)!

Panda Porn

After Mariam's revival of the panda sneezing video, I came across this;



That's fucking amazing. There's hope for pandas yet.

Am 3 papers to the end of my suffering. Econs was a nightmare though, as always. I can relek after next Monday! I can't fucking wait. There'll still be Bio on Thursday, but that's MCQ.

And oh, remember to get your post-prom tickets from me! :D

NOW i know what was missing

Fuckin' FILTERS!

Decepticons, I tell you.

deepavali in a nutshell

Dysfunction at its peak. My grandma is so patient.

Superpaati - that's what Aresha calls her. 2 weeks ago, I dropped my plate of food on the floor when she was taking a break from teaching Judith (the new filipino) how to cook curry and she just laughed it off, and laughed harder when Dog started slobbering all over the floor eating everything up.

3 signs that show Deepavali will end in standard GK disaster;

1) Pa gets drunk
2) Ash throws a cranky tantrum
3) Ma and Pa end up having an argument as good as a fist fight

It's almost an annual ritual. It gets funnier. Every. Damn. Year. No i'm serious.

market failure and macroeconomic problems

I wish I had flawless skin. As effortlessly as everyone else. I am probably more hygienic than most people, yet still. I guess we all have our hangups.

It kills me that i've bought my prom dress but my skin still sucks. There's a way around it I suppose. I don't know how long shipping is supposed to take, but it hasn't arrived yet.
























I just hope it hasn't fallen off a ship and floated to Madagascar.

Oh yes, Christmas is coming. And of course it'll be a happening party at 407 Upper Changi Road. It always is.

When November comes around I always irritate people by asking them if they can 'smell' Christmas. No, seriously. I can. It's that feeling of joy that the year's ending, the holidays, the weather. The days just seem loads more carefree when the end of the year is coming. And I guess I associate that with Christmas.

There's only one thing in the way now.

Monday - Malay B Listening Compre
Tuesday - Chemistry P2
Wednesday - Economicssssss
Friday - Chemistry P1

And the following week;
Monday - Biology P3
Thursday - Biology P1

And then...... BLISS. All the money I haven't spent will be flying out of my wallet. I need a source of income so I'll have enough for the Chiangmai trip.

'O' Level Biology tuition, anyone?

just a little sample...

Of how it feels after the exams. All major papers down, and hell week is over. Chem, Bio and Math crammed into two days. SEAB should fire the fucker who scheduled the papers. I thought Bio Chem Math students get it the worst, but actually it's the Bio Chem Math GEOG students. God.

Chem from 8 to 10am, Geog from 2 to 5pm on Monday. Bio from 8 to 10am then Math from 2 to 5pm.

Chem went great, Bio was so-so, Math was FANTASTIC! I finished in 2 hours, and re-did the paper again. But it kinda went that way for just about everyone, but I prayyy if there is a god (my favourite line for now) it'll push up my horrible Paper 1. It's hard to say for Bio and Chem cause there's still another 2 papers to go, and SPA. I'd have to say.. so far so good. But I don't wanna jump ahead and curse whatever good luck i've had so far. I don't want another repeat telecast of the O's.

K so anyway, Fatimah started hyperventilating really bad before the Math paper today. It was terrifying, she could barely breathe and started shaking. Her arms started going numb and cold and she was sweating like crazy. Thank god her dad came with an inhaler just before it got REALLY bad. You see what A levels does to us. It was really scary la, but thankfully the marking or something for her paper will be different cause she was having difficulty breathing during the paper itself.

Sharon charged in 10 minutes late for the paper carrying one shoe in her hand and her calculator and everything else in the other. She did her superwoman dash to her table, only to slip and fling her calculator several tables away. Mind you, we all have modest $150-$190 graphic calculators and she uses the $200+ silver edition and sent it flying. She probably fell asleep in the library again. I had to cover my mouth lest I let out an insensitive giggle or two.

So it's another 2 and a half weeks. This quarter of a day alone of not studying or worrying about studying feels so... foreign now. It's strange. All I did was take a shower and watch tv the entire time. I don't even feel as hungry as I usually would while I study.

Ahhh... gonna have some well deserved sleep and wake up late tomorrow. Then.... study econs. Gurgh.

Just a little more.

So.

There's a chance I won't get into vet school at all. That chance just grew by 25%.

And Cambridge's out too. Another 25%.

Well, like I said. There are still other things I could do and still be happy.

Really.

Could this day get any fucking worse?

it has BEGUN!

Sat for my BioMedical Admissions Test today. Sad to say, it was majorly fucked up. To whoever I showed the specimen papers to, it wasn't even close to being that easy. Section 1, time's up, 5 blank options. So I had to gabra shade anyhow.

Section 2. Managed to finish, but screwed all the physics questions. Thankfully there were only 3 (or 4?), and I scribbled down random answers that didn't make any sense. I was so disheartened when I took 2 seconds to look around at all these other aspiring doctors or vets, viciously tearing up their BMAT answer sheets with perfect answers. Never in my life have I felt so stupid. Considering I did absolutely no revision for this test, I hope to at least get a 5.0 (on a scale of 0 to 9.0).

Gah. When I first walked into the corridor of anxious students waiting to sit for the BMAT, I felt uncomfortable being surrounded by all these RJC/VJC/HCI students. I don't know about brilliant, but i'm sure they could kick ass studying hard. I could feel their elitist stares boring into the back of my head, and I just wanted to shout 'I STUDIED FOR 2 WEEKS FOR MY O LEVELS AND I'M PROUD OF IT'. Well not proud of it per se. But it doesn't make me stupider than you.

I was THE only person from an idiot JC. Thank god there were no familiar faces, otherwise i'd have to hear about how they could do it and I couldn't. There goes Cambridge, not that I was banking on it. But i'm terrified of losing Royal Vet College as an option.

The only, slightest consolation was that I looked up a forum holding a discussion for today's BMAT. UK's top students applying for 4 medicine courses in 4 top notch universities requiring BMAT results admitted that the test was super fucking hard, and most of them ended up guessing the last few questions. I don't know if that compares to the local muggers in this shithole, but I guess it could've been worse la.

I shan't be disheartened. I shall kick some Math Paper 1 ass on Friday, I hope. Oh yes, the A levels have started. It's just one last step away from being over. Start hoarding your confetti and alcohol from now people, you'll need it for all the partying i'll be doing. With you of course.

1 week left

Had a sorta eventful weekend.

Ash smashed up the entire kitchen on Sunday.

I told the parents to go out. Pa received a letter from Citibank saying they'd give him either a $200 Takashimaya voucher or a 2D/1N stay at the Ritz Carlton if they just attended a preview of some exclusive club thing. They're not even obliged to sign up. I told them to go for it.

And then Ash went off. Shards of porcelain, broken soya sauce and alcohol bottles, a toppled gas canister and 4 police officers later, Ash was in handcuffs and had chunks of broken glass and porcelain wedged in his feet. I had to keep calling my mom as he was breaking everything - I was torn between charging into the kitchen to stop him, taking a golf club and beating the shit out of him, or just stand by and watch him turn the kitchen upside down.

Maryjane left last week. The new maid was screaming her ass off when he broke the first bowl. I told her to calm down, lock the back gate and come to the front of the house through the back drain.

I'm not gonna go into much detail la, my mind's all over the place as it is. But let's just say for the day we had absolutely nothing in our kitchen. No bowls, mugs, glasses, food in the fridge, salt, pepper, ALL the damn spices, all the jars of stuff like mayonnaise and pickled god knows what, meat in the freezer, ketcup, chilli sauce, basically everything la.

I'm so bummed. It's like I got bored waiting for the A Levels to start and end. I've lost the drive to study. Sigh.

you know...

You can be the brightest, the smartest, the cream of the crop (i've always HATED that idiom).

But at some point, you can be so brilliant that you start to border on mental. So no matter how you break your achievements down and file them chronologically, according to magnitude or even try to colour coordinate them, you're still some form of insane.

My head is killing me. I don't know if it's a case of 'studying-too-much'. It's more of a 'worrying-too-much-about-studying-too-little'. It's been throbbing the whole damn day, i'm actually capable of stabbing someone if they irritate me just about enough.

Maryjane has left. We've gone 24 hours without a maid and Ma was all tuckered out from cooking fried rice. What is our family coming to.

Am gonna wake up at 8am tomorrow to do laundry before going to school for a mock math paper.

At night I never wanna sleep... and in the morning I just never wanna wake up. It's a horrible feeling.

another rough weekend

Especially for Aresha. Ash tripped and fell flat on his face - a total accident, but my mother sees it otherwise. She just needs someone to blame, so she can show the world what a fantastic mother she is and how she cares for his well being.

I'm just really trying to detach myself from this nonsense, temporarily.

For the first time in 5 years, my parents are sleeping in the same room again. I think it's miraculous, but I highly doubt the possibly of this arrangement being permanent. It's almost too good to be true. The worst part? If she gets fed up the only available room is mine.

I'm the only one who has a room that isn't really... my room. It's become everyone's junkyard. I don't know when the day will come when I finally have a room I can call MY OWN DAMN ROOM. Where my photos and posters and whatnot don't occupy a miserable half-a-room. After the A's there gonna be some major errr... moving.

Heppenings;

1. Found THE perfect prom dress. Like seriously... perfect. Allow me to be bimbotic for a sec. But my mom has to be a wet blanket and say it's too plunging. It's not... really. I know by my standards what's plunging to you and to me may be quite the contrast but REALLY LA! Believe me! But I will buy it. I have to. It's calling out to me, can't you hear it?

2. Maya's yesterday night! I have seriously been absent for WAY TOO LONG. It did me good to get away from the books and the mad house to just chill and watch Hot Fuzz! Eheh. Loads of dinner laughs and having serious albeit funny conversations about religion. Few more weeks, and many more will ensue. :D

3. Got a shitload of DNB from Aresha just now. I yam a yappy happy girlie. A Sides Eastsides Mix shall be my post-exam mix.

4. Prelim grades: BBDDE. Didn't fail anything, which is fucking fantastic. 2 Bs for Chem and Bio, which is extra fan-fucking-tastic, but a D for Math, extremely depressing. Passed Econs for the first time this year and got a D while I was at it, which I think is the miracle of all miracles. Almost failed GP cause I bombed my essay, got an E, another depressing piece of shite. But overall I think i'm on the right track. As for A Levels! Jia you! Maju err... jaya! Yeah I think that's it.

5. Post A-Level holiday plans are extremely tentative. Priority is Chiangmai with David and the OCIP 2006 crew. But Ma might send to the UK again on a mission (secret ok) and Aresha asked me if i'd like to go to New Zealand for some New Year's Eve drum and bass partay that Amit's spinning at. I wish money grew on trees.

6. Possible post-A level jobs - Relief teaching, zookeeping, newspapering at Aresha's office. Offers anyone?

Yeah so those are the heppenings. Studying's been slow, but I suppose now it's just fine-tuning? Or so I think. And you know, I've come to realise not becoming a vet isn't the end of the world (duh). It'd be hard la, but I just realised there are many things I could do and still be happy.

But it's definitely gotta involve getting out of this country eventually. Staying here will drive me insane.

6 more weeks..... 6 more weeks. I'm barely hanging in there.

wow.

You are pathetic.

That was a seriously pathetic attempt.

As you can see my vocabulary at this point is very limited, but it gets the message across.

I am not enjoying these 4 weeks leading to the As. No not at all.

making a statement

Raushan sent me this link, cause we were talking about this video earlier.




And the lyrics!

Look at my face
and you can guess my race
you wont even see a trace
of anything yellow

I'm an indian guy, in Singapore,
Everytime i step out the door.
I only see yellow

And so i go to school
and everyone thinks they're cool
but they were all yellow

Chorus:
your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
is not, is not as beautiful
you know, you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world

I tried to date, a girl just like them
Didnt work out in the end
cuz she was too yellow

I even wish i was colourblind
then maybe i wouldnt mind
that she was all yellow

Chorus:
her skin, oh yeah her skin and bones
was not, was not as beautiful
you know, you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world

Its true, look how i pine for you..
look how i pine for you...

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and all the things you do..

Hilarious shit. It's great when someone once in awhile decides to stand out and not conform. I think we need more of this in this godforsaken country. Kudos to the man.

Love

It's a strong word.

People who've received my 'I love you's would know when I mean it.

I don't use it unnecessarily. Save your love for people worth it.

The Summer Roberts to my Marissa Cooper, I love you and I know you're reading this. Know I mean it, and know i'll be there for you. Even when the hardest part is over, i'll be with you every step of the way. Even if I have to go through every Bedok View yearbook to make you laugh, sift away all the depressing songs in my music albums, or even buy you kebabs every day, I will make sure you get through this as much I can.

:)